Victory Road IC Inbox

[cyan_maid]

Ring, ring...ring, ring... beep!

Hello! You've reached Jane Crocker. Sorry I couldn't pick up at the moment, but if you could please leave your name, number, and a brief message, I'll get back to you as soon as possible!

Comments

[message sent now-ish?]

[brocrux]

The following questions are in need of answering:
1. How long does one have to wait before they can legally report someone as missing and have the Officer Jennys go on a manhunt?
2. Are you currently in possession of a rowdy bunch of Pokemon belonging to one (1) Dirk Strider? Are you willing to part with them?
3. Do you accept apologies in the form of bento boxes from "Mom"? Because that's all I have due to an unwarranted forced-reset.
Considering my original arrival involved being in what can only be described as a glitch, it may have been that I was living out my blissful Pokemon life with corrupted data. It's only a matter of time before incorrect code is detected in a system and corrected. Rebooting often helps fix an error.
And to quote an ancient meme, "I am Error."

[message sent now-ish in return]

[cyan_maid]

DIRK!
Oh my God, you're okay!
I tried bringing food to your room today and you weren't there, so I thought you went out to get some sunlight, but you never came back! And then Anne Hathaway turned up in my room all upset!
Are you seriously all the way back in New Bark Town??
Holy cow...
Some of the others might have your Pokemon in their PC boxes, I don't know, but there are a couple in mine. Oh gosh, okay...okay. Besides getting glitched out to the start, are you okay?

[brocrux]

I sure as shit ain't in Goldenrod. They gave me a new set of everything and sent me on my way.
Good to know we can find everyone. It isn't the most reassuring thing to wake up and have dear sweet precious Anne replaced by a fluffy ball of bird.
I'm fine. Probably.
I may be experiencing a serious case of déjà vu.

[cyan_maid]

I'll see if everyone can mobilize as soon as possible to come get you. Not sure if we can set out tonight, though.
What kind of bird did they give you?

[brocrux]

That's fine. I can wait.
I never actually went down Route 1 the first time.
Rowlet.
It looks like a beaked bread roll wearing a bowtie.
The guy keeps looking at me with it's head pulling a 180.

[cyan_maid]

I think we could figure out how to get to Cherrygrove through the warp chain...thingie at the very least. And I thought it was Route 29 we had to go through to get there from New Bark.
Hm! I think I've seen those around on the network! They kind of look like potatoes! I'm sure he or she will prove a stalwart new friend.

[brocrux]

I meant 29.
First path that is not actually labeled number one because the actual Route 1 is all the way in fucking Kanto and they weren't being that much of an asshole to me.
Potatoes? Mashed ones, maybe.
He's pretty chill.

[cyan_maid]

If he's soft and fluffy then he is definitely mashed potatoes.
And I'd hope they didn't chuck you all the way to Kanto, that'd be rude.
I just showed Anne your texts by the way, she is very relieved that you're not gone.

[brocrux]

You're going to want to feel my bird.
He can also flatten himself out pretty well like mashed potatoes. The gravy volcano is yet to be seen.
I'm not ready for such extreme levels of disrespect from this place.
I'm sure she is.
You know she's going to slap me when I get back, right?

[cyan_maid]

I will be more than happy to give him the pets if he so pleases.
I don't think he evolves to have gravy though? He's a Grass type primarily, I think.
No, neither am I. As much as I like the idea of folks spreading out and traveling more, tossing someone into the one half of your locale that isn't often visited is downright cruel.
Hoo boy, is there anything I can do to help mitigate that situation?

[brocrux]

You're in luck. That might be his top priority.
You're so pure, Jane. The potential for a diarrhea joke went right by you.
So rude. I'd be stranded and have to replace you all with Kanto doppelgangers.
I'm afraid this can only end in violence, Jane.

[cyan_maid]

...Oh my God, Dirk, that's gross. Why would I make that leap in logic?
So far I have no had the unfortunate opportunity to see what it's like when a Pokemon has gastrointestinal distress all over the floor, and I hope that luck can hold out for a little while longer.
Shucks! Well, I wouldn't mind going toe-to-toe with a doppelganger if she insisted in being the one true Jane. All the business with alternate selves and timelines makes a girl a little jaded to such assertations.

[brocrux]

You wouldn't, as demonstrated here.
There may be a carefully induced Crocker diet involved in preventing that more than luck. If anything, they would be constipated.
I understand that for sure.
Considering a universe over the alternates were wholesome grandmother figures, I have no doubt you could kick the the collective doppelgangers ass. Kanto Jane never stood a chance.

[cyan_maid]

Constipation is on the opposite spectrum and is also bad and uncomfortable. Ideally, and perhaps a bit too informative, I would very much like my Pokemon to poop on the regular but not let it be an incredibly messy problem.
Kanto Jane is unfortunately the inferior Jane. But don't tell hypothetical her that I said as much. :B

[brocrux]

Can we get them Pokemon yogurts like in those very real marketing campaigns?
The ones where a circle of middle-aged women would casually talk about their bowel movements over brunch?
I'm telling her to hype you up so she spreads it around the doppelgangers of everyone else and we build a badass reputation.

[cyan_maid]

It's certainly possible! When we get you back up here, we should check at the grocery store to see if that is a thing.
Oh my, we'll run them out of this universe yet, won't we?

[brocrux]

You know it.
So, just to make sure I'm caught up, did anything else happen lately?
Nobody else got hit with this nonsense, right? Just me? You're all fine over there?

[cyan_maid]

We're all fine over here, as far as I know.
No weirdness aside from glitches deciding they want to be your best friend.

[brocrux]

Good.
Figures it would be me. I should probably stop trying to reprogram the gears.

[cyan_maid]

It could have been anyone, you know - don't start with that "of course it would be me" malarkey!
And how can you say that tinkering with the Poke'gear might have done it?
They're our lifeline into this world and to each other, sure, but I highly doubt they're THAT important to our presence here.

[brocrux]

Sure but from a purely logical standpoint, it does make the most sense for it to be me out of our group.
Who knows. It could be used as a mind control device and the close proximity to it keeps us carefully under the Pokemon World's influence.

[cyan_maid]

But when have the machinations of this world ever actually run on logic? There's a living creature that is a bag of garbage, for Pete's sake!
I'm going to maintain that it could've still happened to any of us.
...
To be fair, breaking free would mean going back home where I'm still pretty sure everything was going to heck on my end of things. I'm not exactly keen on that.

[brocrux]

There's a certain logic to it, be it an extremely flawed one.
Is there really a sentient bag of garbage? Is that one new? How the fuck don't I have one?
We're going to need to catch this monstrosity immediately.
Ah.
That could happen.
But I was thinking more along the lines of the clearly obvious power restrictions put into place on all of us.

[cyan_maid]

You can find them in most alleys in Goldenrod. I'd say I'm surprised you haven't seen one, but considering your habits as of late, I'm not. When we get you back up here, I'll show you where I've seen them.
I suppose it'd be silly if WE had powers while interacting with Pokemon,
though. I mean, why would you catch, befriend, and train a giant bat when you can fly? Or, why would you have a Pokemon with arm-swords when you fight with swords?

[brocrux]

Why WOULDN'T we have a Pokemon with arm swords while also fighting with swords?